Does your partner love you?

You don't love me now!

Well, alright...accept it. 

If you are a man, you would have heard it many times and if you are a woman, you would have uttered or at least had such thoughts many times.

If not, then congratulations, you are from some other planet!

Beware, get alerted and set your alarms high if ever, next time you even think such words, or your spouse even mentions them. They can wreck your mental peace, relationship and serenity. 

So, what do these words exactly mean?

Though, it can be a man as well who may have such thoughts.  But, generally, women express themselves before venturing out for a new love.  Whereas, men just escape to greener pastures or get themselves involved somewhere to shut such thoughts to never let them out. So whichever side of the fence you are, don't suppress the thoughts. Express and explore the solutions.

It's sure that you can not escape them but at least you can guard yourself against an impending danger. You can save yourself heart wreck and a prolonged headache just by heeding the meaning of these words.

WHAT TO UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU HEAR - YOU DON'T LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PROBLEM : 

These are not mere words to her. They say a lot about how she thinks and what she expects. She may be overwhelmed with all your activities and her responsibilities towards you and may expect a reciprocation. She wants you to pay back, not monetarily but in actions.  She may be toiling all day through running errands and may not be feeling that you are putting in as much efforts as you should. She is bored and exhausted doing things for you.

SOLUTION :

If such a situation comes, either follow the rule that you do in your office. Whatever you do, discuss with her or hint her or take her advise. This way, she would be aware what you are doing and would be happy that you are involved.

Secondly, ask her either to write down all her reasons (which is very likely she wouldn't do in a bad mood) or listen to her (difficult, if you are not hearing impaired) and sort out the differences of perceptions and actions (may be in a mediator's office it may be possible but at home it has success possibility, if both of you are equally mature and sane).

PROBLEM :

She wants someone to listen to her without being judgmental.

She is losing self esteem and confidence in herself and needs a support system.

She is jealous or possessive towards you.

You are neglecting her.

You are being too much self engrossed and she has no interests other than you.

You are too critical and judgmental.

SOLUTION :

In fact, all these problems are none but an extension of the problem mentioned earlier and the solution also lies in making her feel good and self assured.

Ideally, she should help herself to find her interests but you can also help her in her pursuits by encouraging.  When she would have her own occupation and hobbies to look after, she would pester you less.

Secondly, you may have been too social as compared to her or may be you developed a wandering eye. So she has a legitimate reason to feel jealous or possessive.In this case, you need to check if you would be alright had she been doing the same to you?

It is a pity that we are critical of people, who are most dear and near to us. They do everything for us and we do everything for them but still we criticize and pass remarks, even when a kind word is suffice. 

Be patient.  Have faith in your choice and by criticizing her, you are criticizing yourself because you chose to be with her. 

PROBLEM :

In times of prolonged diseases, bereavement, accidents, calamities, financial crises, mood dampens. In such times, she may be undergoing an anxiety, a depressive phase and needs assurance. In bad times, when loved ones keep each others' assured and comfortable, things get smooth. 

SOLUTION :

You need to keep yourself collected. If you are calm and optimistic then only you can help your partner overcome her problems.  One of my neighbor lost her only child after a prolonged illness. She was shattered and depressed.  Though, husband was also sad but he helped her overcome the blues by being involved in her activities and helping her keeping faith and spirituality.

Most importantly, if you often say these words then please get out and get a life. There is no meaning in being dependent on somebody to assure you over and over that you are loved.  If you can't love yourself then nobody on earth can love you,too. 

Sometimes, for fun, it's okay to tease someone, saying these words but don't make this habit of sulking that 'you don't love me now'. There are so many things to do in this world and in this life that one person can't sit day and night to tell you the useless and meaningless words. Accept it. Get over these mushy mushy dreamland and live a life you most desire. 

Anyways, a relationship is a complex matter but a simple affair. How do you handle the situation if someone dear tells you 'you don't love me now?' Do you start fighting or use some other approach to the words?